Bullies

Posted on May 23, 2012 by

When my niece recently “liked” this Facebook post, it showed up in her newsfeed and consequently mine:

Hey guys, this is _______. Isnt she beautiful? Lately alot of girls at her school have been ganging up on her, and telling her how ugly she is. I beg to differ, because this beautiful smart little girl is like a sister to me, and I know shes above that. I dont want her confidence to be crushed, after all everyone has said about her. because she IS GORGEOUS,

Like this picture if you agree and care.

Lets restore some of her shine ♥

I, too, was the victim of bullies when I was junior high age. I was new in a school where the rest of the class had been together since kindergarten. As the daughter of a single, working mother, I was different. Different is not good in junior high. Fitting in is good, sticking out is bad. At some unforeseen moment, the girls, my “friends” turned on me. They ignored me, they said bad things about me and I was isolated. This went on for a couple of months and then ended as abruptly as it began.

I didn’t always apply the label “bullying” to this experience. At that time, the kids who physically abused others were the only bullies we heard about. Emotional abuse was dismissed. And I do realize how lucky I was. There was no internet, no Facebook, no YouTube. My experience was painful at the time, but the hurtfulness was contained. It didn’t spread like electronic wildfire. It would have been different today.

 

Note: I decided not to include the names of the poster or the victim to prevent any further pain. I included the picture to support the poster’s premise that this is a lovely young girl.

 

Posted in Family, Home, Love, Memoir, Memories, Personal History, Traditions

Decision by Committee

Posted on April 25, 2012 by

I went to a committee meeting last night. Generally, I avoid such gatherings like the plague because they make me uneasy. I made this exception because there was going to be a presentation of special interest to me.

Each time I do such a thing, I am quickly reminded why I hate committees and meetings. I remember that I have a really low tolerance for bullshit. I don’t like to jump through hoops or play games. If I’m going to dance, I’d really rather do it on the dance floor.  What really is the purpose of Robert’s Rules of Order?

As I walked in, I was handed a copy of the agenda. After the silliness of taking roll call (the commissioners sit at assigned places with name plates in front of them) and approving the agenda, the only item on that agenda was to re-present a presentation given in February. What a waste of paper!

I appreciate this board of elected officials and the work they do. That said, much of the interaction last night was passive aggressive with commissioners posturing for our benefit. Clearly, I would have had to attend a lot more meetings to understand the unspoken agendas and backstories of the individual commissioners. It was unattractive and unproductive. To be fair, not all the commissioners participated.

I don’t think anyone walked out of the meeting feeling good or satisfied. The consultant presented several alternative proposals and there was no action planned at this meeting and no clear plan for when a decision will be made. Other than posturing by some of the commissioners, there was no real discussion to help me assess what might happen or how the commissioners lean.

Now I have to decide whether I really want to attend the next meeting or wait and read the results in the newspaper.

 

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Posted in Politics

Life Goes On

Posted on April 18, 2012 by

Like we have for the past twenty years, we gathered at my aunt’s house on Sunday for a family birthday. The get-togethers have always had a standard flow. The women would roam between the living room and the kitchen, while the men watched whichever sporting event was on in the basement.

This time, I wasn’t looking forward to going. Recently, the dynamics have changed. My mother moved away to another state and within the last year, two aunts and my grandmother have passed away. My grown daughter was out of town. I feared the shortage of remaining women would cast a pall over the party, drawing attention to our losses.

What I hadn’t considered was the infusion of new life into our group. One cousin has a young son; another has two school age sons, two younger daughters and another child on the way. My own grandchildren, almost two and eight months old, were also there. The party was filled with exuberance and joy as the children chased around, enjoying each others’ company.

I was reminded that life goes on. My aunt had my grandmother’s picture on the mantle and we remembered each of the women who were missing that day. Meanwhile, the young ones in our midst merrily demanded our attention. Breakables were moved out of reach, we walked carefully to avoid crawlers, cleaned hands, noses and diapers, and one child was fished out of a sump pit. The day was lively and joy-filled!

Posted in Family, Home, Love, Personal History, Seniors, Traditions

Eating Locally

Posted on April 12, 2012 by

My new book arrived yesterday. I bought a book, a real book. I don’t buy many books anymore.

If you are a regular visitor to this space, you know I love my Kindle. I read voraciously and a Kindle is ideal for my needs. I download new books, free samples of books and books to borrow.

In fact, I first read this new book on my Kindle. Written by Robin Mather, the book is called The Feast Nearby. The subtitle, “How I lost my job, buried a marriage and found my way by keeping chickens, foraging, preserving, bartering, and eating locally (all on forty dollars a week)” pretty much describes the book. It is a book of essays, arranged by season. Together they tell the story of Mather’s first year living in a Michigan lakeside cabin after leaving her marriage, her job, and city life in Chicago.

I enjoyed the story, but I love the recipes. I need ready access to them. Not on my Kindle. I want to leaf through this book, making notes in the margin as I go. I know I can highlight and add notes on my Kindle, but in this case, it just wouldn’t be the same for me.

One of my current goals is to move a little closer to the life Mather describes. I want to eat locally and simply, reveling in the glory of fresh food, well-made. I’ve always eaten plenty of vegetables and this year I joined a CSA (Community Supported Agriculture) program which will deliver an assortment of fresh, locally grown fruits and vegetables each week. I’m looking forward to the challenge of incorporating new tastes into my diet (although my husband swears he won’t eat turnips. This book includes plenty of ideas for preparing, preserving and serving fresh fruits and vegetables.

Her recipes reflect her experience as a successful food writer, along with her lifelong experience in the kitchen. There are recipes for simple treats and stick to your rib feasts. I’m not a particularly advanced cook, but none of her recipes seems intimidating to me. I can’t say the same about her instructions for knitting a very warm hat, but then I haven’t knitted in many, many years.

And, I probably won’t be keeping chickens.

Posted in Book recommendations, Book reviews, Books, Home, Kindle, Memoir, Reading, Traditions | Leave a comment

A Rose for my Desk

Posted on March 5, 2012 by

Last Wednesday, I stopped by the florist to pick up a flower for my desk. I’m trying to rush spring so my first choice was daffodils, but they didn’t have any. I decided on a single yellow rose, but again, no luck. I noticed a pretty pink rose beginning to open in the cooler.

When the florist realized I would consider a more mature flower, she offered me a yellow rose they’d rejected as too open. It was beautiful, fully in its prime. Since I only wanted something to last through the next day, I bought it. She gave it to me for half price because she hadn’t expected to sell it at all.

I brought the flower home, trimmed the end, put it in a bud vase and set it on my desk. This was last Wednesday. I enjoyed it as I worked that day and again on Thursday. Friday, I was away from my desk all day and I didn’t visit my office during the weekend.

I never even thought about the rose. But today is Monday and look at it. It is still beautiful, still bringing me joy! So often, roses delivered fully closed drop their heads without ever taking time blossom before they wilt.

How did it happen that tightly closed rosebuds became more desirable than mature roses in full flower? I don’t think anyonewho saw my rose would prefer the rosebuds that are much more common today. I probably won’t get so lucky next time I want some cheer for my desk, so I’ll have to figure out how to coax this beauty out of one of those roses with potential.

Posted in Family, Home, Traditions, Uncategorized, Working at home

Assumption of Decency

Posted on February 16, 2012 by

When I introduced this blog, I said I would surely stay away from politics and organized religion as topics. Never say never. Today, I need to rant a little because there’s just way too much animosity in the air right now.

There are ongoing standoffs in congress. Republicans and Democrats regularly attack one another. The Republican presidential candidates are running attack ads against each other. Now the president wants to destroy the Catholic Church or maybe organized religion altogether.  Bitterness abounds.

In my opinion, what’s missing in our discourse is an assumption of decency. Are our leaders malevolent, or might they possibly be well-meaning but misguided?  Is the motive power-grabbing or are they trying to solve problems by pressing for the solutions they believe will be most beneficial?  Whichever side you’re on.

Why can’t we agree to disagree?  When did compromise become a dirty word?  Our nation is a rich tapestry made stronger by diversity of thought and tradition. Different ideas are opportunities for growth, not character flaws. When it comes to political or religious ideology, how is it every person and group confidently claims the corner on Truth?

Recently, I have been enjoying a new Dierks Bentley song called “Home.”  The song pays tribute to the beauty of this country in spite of its scars.  In particular, this part really speaks to me:

Free, nothing feels like free
Though it sometimes means we don’t get along
‘Cause same, no we’re not the same
But that’s what makes us strong.

From the mountains high
To the wave-crashed coast
There’s a way to find
Better days I know.

It’s been a long hard ride
Got a ways to go
but this is still the place
That we all call home.

The message is refreshing in this era of rampant discord. Maybe moving forward with an assumption of decency could be a first step to get beyond the bitterness. There are a lot of challenges we face, but if we could address them with a respect for one another and our differences, we might just begin to make progress.

 

“Home,” was written by Dan Wilson, Brett Beavers, and Dierks Bentley and is featured on the recently released Dierks Bentley album by the same name.

Posted in Home, Politics, Religion, Traditions

The Heart of His Story

Posted on February 1, 2012 by

I had one of those, “Gee, I wonder what ever happened to …” moments today. I thought of a guy I knew in high school, actually the first boy I ever kissed. We went to a dance together and maybe a party somewhere along the line. He attended a different school, so I didn’t see him very often.

Attractive and intelligent, he planned to be a doctor. I saw him last when he stopped by to visit me at college on his way to school in another state. After that, we lost touch. Today, we might have been friends on Facebook.

When he crossed my mind, I was already at my computer, so I googled him. Turns out he did become a doctor, later moving into the business aspects of medicine and eventually into international leadership in his church organization. Sadly, the first listing was his obituary. Unable to wrap my head around the fact that he was gone at the age of 56, I clicked on a link to a YouTube video tribute. I watched the heart of his story unfold. I saw him as a child and then in high school when I knew him. There were pictures from his wedding and the births of his children, followed by documentation of all the other special moments and people in his life. His thoughtfully written obituary described how his participation in bible study grew from an avocation into his vocation and led him to travel internationally for his organization.

I marvel that I didn’t recognize the seeds of this man in the boy that I knew. He was just another nice guy to me, but watching the tribute and reading his obituary, I learned about the man he became and how very special he really was. My sympathies go out to his family and friends and the many people he touched in his life.

Posted in Family, Home, Memories, Personal History, Religion, Uncategorized | Tagged